


destined to rise or fall

by charjace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, don't let anything fool you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 03:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12497240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: simon left them, and clary hate him. jace is broken hearted but can't even show it, because it's not like he cares right?





	destined to rise or fall

They both agreed that it would be for the best, they did but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Because it did so fucking much, watching as the boy who always wore his heart on his sleeve trying to bit back tears that were forming in his eyes. Hard to watch as he blurred past in a way to escape the situation. Now, it was his turn to hold back tears as he stood in the middle of his room, god it hurt so fucking much but it was what was best. They both knew it. 

"Why did Simon rush out of here?" Clary asks, her arms crossing against her chest as she looked at Jace, a small frown upon her lips. "Hey, are you okay?"

Sucking in a deep breath he gives her a small nod, "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't know why Simon left like that, maybe you should go see him," Jace answers, the lie falling past his lips because he knew why Simon left, but he also wanted to give Clary one last chance at seeing her best friend because she deserved that. She deserved to have one last talk with her best friend before he left the city.

Her brows furrowed as he eyes him like there was some part of her that didn't think he was telling her the truth, and she has every right to believe that but he and Simon had agreed – no one can know until it was too late, and Jace is always true to his word and he's not about to stop now. "Okay. But, really, are you okay because you don't look it."

"I am, really. Go find Simon," Jace says and watches as she leaves his room, before he's closing the door and curling up on his bed, letting the tears fall from his eyes as he let the walls break down. He's not sure how long he's like that when he feels the dip in the side of his bed and it doesn't take him even a second to know it's Alec, he knows it's instinctively that Alec is by his side in this time of need. He lets Alec comfort him, but he doesn't let Alec know why and he likes how Alec doesn't pressure him into telling him why he's like this – a shattered form of himself.

**

"What do you mean  _gone!_ " Clary almost but yells at Jace a few days later, causing him to flinch because he has never seen her  _this_  angry in the time that he has known her. She's been angry, but  _never_  like this – though, he can guess a time where she was, but well he wasn't exactly conscious then.

"Gone Clary, I mean  _gone_. Not coming back, at least – not in our life time," Jace answers, not raising his voice but instead trying to control it but not to hold back any biting anger, but to bit back on the breaks in his voice, the sadness in his tone, he's trying to keep his voice as emotionless as possible.

"What did you  _say_  to him? I thought you two were getting along? Where did he go? Did he say where?" Clary asks, the fury in her voice almost wishes that Isabelle or Alec were also here with him, but they weren't – they were on a mission which left him in the Institute with Clary, an angry Clary at that. "Or did you just not care?"

"First of all, don't you fucking dare say I never fucking cared about Simon! Because, last time I checked,  _I_  was the one who actually rescued him the most and that was  _after_  he stopped being mundane! Second, I said  _nothing_ , he left Clary. He has to watch us grow old Clary, watch  _you_  grow old while he stays looking like a fucking eighteen-year-old because of a choice  _you_  made," Jace finally switches the sadness into anger, because apparently those are the only two feelings in which he can seem to process. Really, he didn't mean to make that  _dig_  at her, really, he didn't. Yet, he doesn't show that he sees her flinch at his words. "Clary, the dead should stay  _dead!_  Including me!"

"I'm sorry I couldn’t live without my best friend, and I'm sorry I wanted you to be alive too. I'm going to go find Simon," Clary declares, a scowl upon her features.

"You won't find him. He'll be on water for a long period, and didn't you see, he  _burnt_  the boathouse down, leaving nothing to track him if he were to pop up – or if you got a warlock. Don't bring Magnus into this, or any other warlock. It's what he wants Clary," Jace counters.

"How do you know that?" Clary questions, her arms crossing against her chest as she raises an eyebrow at him.

"I told him how to stop a Shadowhunter from tracking him, or best way to prevent it. The boathouse, that was his idea. Said something about movies and tv shows," Jace answers, giving a small shrug because let her think of him as an asshole who doesn't care about Simon, because apparently that is all she's going to see from him now. Why care anymore, she'll hate him forever for letting her best friend leave.

"Fuck you Jace! You could have made him stay, you know, he fucking liked you! You could have been the one to make him stay, or you could have told me. So, fuck you Jace and just.... don't talk to me."

"Fine!"

**

He doesn't talk to Clary, and she doesn't talk to him unless it's needed for their work but other than that, they're closed mouthed and glaring at each other. Jace mad at Clary for her thinking that he didn't care, that he wasn't hurting too. Clary mad at him for letting Simon go, for not telling her. It was driving a wedge between them, and it was clear as day, so much so that Isabelle was pulling him aside after a sparring match. He was leaning against the wall of her room with her standing in front of him, her arms crossed against her chest in a very intimidating way, even if you knew her well enough, it was still intimidating – which just adds to Isabelle's overall charm.

"What's up with you and Clary?" Isabelle asks, her eyes racking over Jace, to watch if he's going to lie to her. "It's been going on for six months now, I've never known you to hold that much of a grudge, let alone Clary."

"She hates me for letting Simon leave, for not stopping him, and let her because I don't care about Simon, right?" Jace replies, his eyes darting up in an attempt to stop any tears from even daring to form.

There is the sound of Isabelle's heels upon the ground as she moves closer to him, before she is then grabbing hold of his face and bringing it down so that he's looking at her, "Jace you idiot. Tell her you and him were dating, maybe she'd understand a bit more."

"H-,"

"I know things, and I literally saw you coming out of the boathouse with your hair looking very unlike someone who would have just  _talked_  to a vampire and then later Simon came by to give you back your jacket, because he 'found' it at Jade Wolf," Isabelle replies, a small smile upon her lips as she looks at her brother, "Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone – it wasn't my secret to tell. I just... it wasn't an addiction was it? And  _that_  is why Simon left, and you spent days in your room until Clary yelled your head off?"

Jace shakes his head, because it wasn't, when they started to date, it was almost a year after the bite, all feelings from the bite – a distant memory in the back of their minds. "No. I swear."

"I just wanted to ask," Isabelle says, and smiles a little when Jace replies with  _'I know'_ , because Jace understood where his sister was coming from, and if the positions where switched he knew he would have asked the same question. "Now, go shower you stink."

Jace lets out a small laugh, but he leaves her room and makes his way down to his own.

A few months later, he's walking to his room for a shower when something appears in front of him in a set of fire. Grabbing the piece of paper, Jace eyes skim over the letter before he's rushing into the shower, the letter sitting on his bed as he just quickly showered. He's putting on his gear before making his way quickly down the corridor and into the main centre, his eyes quickly finding Alec, Clary, Isabelle, Lydia, Maia, and Luke standing around a table that had a few pieces of paper.

"Y-You guys get one too?" Jace asks, cursing himself a little at that stutter his voice did as he joined the group.

"Just, me, Maia, Luke and Magnus," Clary says, eyes going up to eye Jace curiously. It was weird, because it's been a long while since she's ever looked at with anything other than hate. 

He puts his piece of paper on the table, watching as everyone looked at him as he did. "What?"

"You  _did_  read the letter, right?" Luke questions, and it was just genuine curiosity to his tone, nothing hateful.

"I did, yes." Jace replies with a short nod of his head.

"It's says to those who are important to Simon, he only had a crush on you so I don't get why you got one," Clary pipes in, her eyes looming with the curiosity but Jace can see that lingering  _hate_  that's fighting to come and surface – itching for a fight.

And well, if she wants a fight, she's going to get one, "Well maybe it's because I can actually  _save_  him, you know. Instead of putting it in danger, you know, like you!"

"Stop it!" Luke's voice boomed, his eyes glowing that bright shade of green before it fades out as he stares down the pair who were about to have yet another verbal squabble. "Fighting amongst ourselves is not going to help Simon. Now, Simon is in danger, I don't care what this  _thing_  between you two is and frankly, I think it's a little out of hand."

"He  _let_  Simon leave, this his fault! If Simon was here, he wouldn't have been captured by this warlock!" Clary replied, eyes now glaring hard at Jace.

"Clary, none of this is Jace's fault. It was Simon's choice for him to leave," Isabelle spoke up, moving to give her brother a comforting squeeze of his shoulder, to show that she was there to support him.

"Jace didn't need to help Simon leave, if you hated Simon that much – why pretend to be his friend? Jace helped Simon leave, told him how to hinder us from tracking him. So, the fact h-," Clary's words fell short when Jace turned on his heels, leaving the room.

His feet taking him just outside of the Institute, he didn't even know where he was going to go, he just knew it was away from Clary and her hurtful words. Why can't see just let this go? It's not like she was the only one who cared about Simon, yet she's the only one who is so fucking pissed at him that he did what he had.

"Jace, where are you going?" Magnus' voice called out, making Jace stop in his tracks and turn to see the male looking at him with curious eyes.

"I'm not going on any mission with Clary anymore, even if it is to save Simon, she can go fuck herself," Jace replies, the anger from before still linger on his tongue as he let the words fall past his lips. Honestly, he is past the point of caring – because apparently, he never did anyway, maybe he should act like it.

Magnus hitches an eyebrow, eyes looking over Jace before he's letting out a small sigh before he's speaking again, "Simon is in trouble, I doubt you can stay away too long. Come in with me, you don't utter a word, give Clary no fuel to fight with you and we go get Simon, get him home safe and sound."

Jace just gives a small nod of his head, and follows Magnus as they make their way into the Institute. Jace kept his mouth shut, just nodding when it was needed of him. It was just going to be, him, Luke, Maia, Clary and Magnus who goes through the portal as they're the ones to receive the letters. Alec, Isabelle and Lydia were going stay behind and just wait for any news, and make sure that no one really notices the missing group.

They step through the portal, one they had Clary make because Magnus has never been there, so that was a  _little_  hindrance if he were to make the portal. Clary was out in front, with Maia and Luke right behind her as Jace and Magnus trailed up the back. The place that were in was very elegant, walls white and tall. Jace felt a little out of place in his battle gear and leather, the group make it to the middle of the big floor when a loud thunder clap sounded, causing everyone to jump a little and look up at the ceiling, which was showing the sky outside.

"This is giving me some major Hogwarts vibes here," Clary mutters under her breath, and the next minute a guy with a deep purple scaled skin walked into the centre of the room, just in front of the group, a wicked grin upon his lips as he looked around the group.

"Wonderful, just the five of you. Let's see," The man drew out before he stepped closer, first stopping front in front of Clary. "The best friend, also the ex... You, my dear wolf, the ex and close friend," The words spoken as he moves from Clary to Maia, "Who's now dating the best friend. What a shocking turn of events."

Now, stepping in front of Luke the warlock racks his eyes over the male, "Father figure, and downworlder guide," The guy ever so gracefully sliding his way over to Magnus, "His other guide, and friend into the downworld and last but not least... Now, the memories I looked at didn't give me an exact  _ga_ _uge_ , are you an ex or boyfriend?"

"What? Neither! Simon had a crush on Jace, you must have confused something," Clary spits out, eyes moving to glare at Jace.

"Oh little girl, you don't understand the spell I did, it drew out  _memories_ , not fantasies," The warlock says, moving himself so that he was in front of the group again.

Clary scoffs, "Yeah right, Jace is straight."

And god, was it hard to bite back on all the things he wanted to say, the things he wanted to yell out but he doesn't. He keeps his mouth shut, because it's not going to get them anywhere if he and Clary start fighting.

"Where is Simon?" Maia asks, her eyes carefully looking at the warlock in front of them.

"Of course you would want to see him," He says with a sigh and a roll of his eyes. With a flick of wrist, something comes flying into the room, well not  _something,_ but someone with their legs and wrist bound. That someone being Simon. "There he is, are you satisfied to see him?"

Jace's eyes rack over and take in Simon's appearance, he looks very pale, like he hasn't seen the sun in a long while. A few cuts along his body, his torso on full, showing cuts that ran along him – long and very red. His hands and feet bound together, and tape around his mouth. He was filling with so much anger, he just wanted to gut the warlock and take Simon home, away from this all, and maybe, runaway with him this time.

"You said, come to your place to collect him. That is what we're doing, so give him back and we'll leave, giving you no harm," Magnus says, his eyes glowing as his cat eyes bore into the other warlock.

"Tsk, tsk, not so easy, I still want to know his secrets," The downworlder says, a false frown forming upon his lips as he looked around the group. "And for the last three months that I've had this Daylighter, he hasn't given it up. I've digged through his memories and nothing. I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe he told one of you guys how it is that he became a Daylighter."

"That is something he's kept all to himself," Luke says, and well it was true to an extent.

"I know," Jace says stepping forward, ignoring the muffled protest coming from Simon, because he was the only one who knew what that would mean. "If I tell you, will you let him go, and the rest of them, Clary included."

"Why are you specifying Clary? But, if your information is true, I shall let them go, now Shadowhunter,  _spill_ ," The warlock's eyes looking at Jace, waiting in anticipation for the answer.

"If you've been through Simon's memories, you will see one where he drank from me – a shadowhunter with  _pure_  angel blood. After that, he was immune to the sun, there is no other explanation for it. Now, let them go and I'll stay, give you what you want," Jace says, dropping his weapon to the ground to show that he was willing to do this quietly.

With a huff, the warlock waved his hands and Simon was free, and when he was he ran right over to Jace, pulling him into a tight hug, "You idiot. You fucking idiot Jace," Simon whispers as he just holds on tight to Simon.

"Go, just... go Simon. Leave with the others, I'll be fine. I promise you," Jace says, avoiding the emotion that was wanting to leak its way into his tone. His body was stiff, Simon let go and cupped Jace's face in his hands, staring hard into Jace's eyes with his own, "Simon, go _please_."

"Simon, let's go, now!" Clary's voice called out, and Jace can faintly hear the sound of a portal being opened.

Closing his eyes, he doesn't watch as Simon leaves, he just feels when Simon's hands leave his face and hears the faint sound of footsteps as the walk away, leaving him alone with the warlock.

**

_They were laying on his bed, watching one of Simon's favourite movies on the laptop the brought with him, letting out a small sigh, the vampire pushed up a little so that he was looking at_ _Jace_ _, a small smile upon his lips when he felt_ _Jace_ _push back a few loose strands of his hair, "I don't want to watch as everyone I love and now grow old."_

_The comment caught_ _Jace_ _of guard, and his face contorted into that of confusion as he looked at his_ _boyfriend_ _, "You're immortal, it's kind of impossible to not do that."_

_"I know, but, to watch as Clary grows older while I still look like I did_ _almost two years ago? I don't think I could handle that. To watch as my mother and sister age, to watch you, Izzy and hell even Alec, and everyone else get those wrinkles, to get older... to die," Simon says before settling himself so that he was resting his head on_ _Jace's_ _chest, not wanting to look at the blond. "But... I have this idea."_

_"What is it?"_ _Jace_ _asks, fearful of what the answer maybe._

_"I leave now, I runaway so I don't have to watch and feel like I don't belong anymore. Things at the boathouse are pretty clean, I've got a few gas_ _canisters_ _so I can burn it down, give them nothing to track me with," Simon answers, and it shows to_ _Jace_ _that this is clearly not the first time that Simon has ever thought about this, and that hurts_ _Jace_ _a little._

_"You've left things around, that aren't at the boathouse, we could use those to track you,"_ _Jace_ _informs Simon, and he doesn't_ _know_ _why he's doing it. He shouldn't be helping Simon with leaving. "Water,_ _Shadowhunters_ _can't track over water, with Warlocks and Werewolves, I'm not too sure but for us, we can't. Though, I think distance would do it."_

_"So, if I go, can you not tell them? Give me a few days to get as far away as possible?_ _Jace_ _, could you do that for me?" Simon asks, sitting up, the movie they were watching is very long gone and forgotten. Simon's eyes were brimming with tears like it hurt to even voice these questions. "It's going to be better for everyone. You guys won't get to see me stay young, and I_ _won't_ _get to see you grow old. In a few years, you'll all forget about me anyway. I'm not that great, just a_ _fledgling_ _vampire, who likes why too many mundane things."_

_Jace_ _doesn't argue with Simon, he just moves off of his bed to stand in the middle of his room, to try and clear his head as it was filling with a whole lot of things to say to make Simon stay. Of things to tell Simon about why he is so fucking great, and one of the best things in_ _Jace's_ _shitty life, but all he manages to get out is, "Yeah, sounds like it's going to work out best for all of us. None of getting hurt later on._ _I won't tell them, if that is what you want._ _"_

_"Yeah..._ _Thank you,_ _" Simon mumbles, moving to press a soft kiss to_ _J_ _ace's_ _lips, one last time_ _\- or maybe not, "You could come with me. W-we could leave, and -,"_

_"And when I start getting too old, you run from me?"_ _Jace_ _questions with a small shake of his head, "I can't anyway. I've got the Lightwoods, Alec, I can't leave him again."_

_Simon nods his head, and_ _Jace_ _knows that he is remembering the time in which he was away from Alec, and how that effected the other._ _"_ _Right, I guess this is a g_ _oodbye_ _then_ _."_

_Jace_ _just nods his head slightly, and Simon does the same, and they're silent and god does it hurt, who knew that silence could hurt._

_Simon doesn't leave right away, and they stay there just staring at each other before Simon rushes out the door, leaving_ _Jace_ _alone_.

**

His head feels so light, yet so heavy and he is sure that is due to the major blood loss he's suffering from. He doesn't even know how long he's been here, having his blood taken out of him, all he can really tell you is it stops every now and then, and he is sure that's just so they could get as much as they could out in one go – and to not kill the precious daylighter maker. Right now, he was slumped against the wall of the small room he was stuffed in, his head giving him many mixed feelings about what is happening with everything going on.

It's faint, but he hears the door open, and a slim bit of real light shines in through against the artificial light that lit the room up. Whoever it was they were talking with someone, but he couldn't hear a single thing they said and soon, the door closes once again and he is left alone in the room. In and out of consciousness, nothing new over his time here so when he comes too once again the one thing that did surprise him was that he could feel something wrapped around his waist and that his arm was draped over something. A very dulled part of his mind was telling him that he was being rescued, that someone was taking him out of this hell because he was being handled differently, handled more  _gently_  then he's known the warlock to ever do. Then, he's out again.

The next time he wakes up, his head is a little clear and it's not so light or heavy but it still hurt, that much was clear. He's groaning a little, trying to push himself up from the bed he was on but then he felt someone push him back down and he can't bring himself to protest, not with his head nor how soft the bed is compared to the wall and floor he's been staying on. His eyes land upon Isabelle who was standing at his bedside with a clipboard in her hand.

"I'm not dead am I?" He tries for a joking tone, and he feels a twitch of a smile upon his lips when he notices Isabelle shake her head, and a smile pull at the corner of her lips.

"No, but you have had sever blood loss, so almost dead. I'm just reading over this. I'll lecture you later, or maybe Alec will," She replies, putting the clipboard down and sitting down on the edge of the bed, bringing one of her hands to push back some hair that had spread out across Jace's forehead. "You need to eat something, so I'll go get you that. No, just something from the cupboards, and Alec said he wanted to see you when you woke up, so I'll also go get him."

Jace just nods his head a little, and closes his eyes and it seems that he fell asleep because when he woke up, there was food by his bed and ISabelle and Alec were in the room. "Is something up?" He asks, knowing that will get everyone's attention on him.

"You're awake, here, eat this," Isabelle says grabbing the food and waiting as Alec helped Jace sit up on the bed so that he could eat without choking. He does as he's told, he eats. 

He devours the food before speaking, "So, I have to ask... How long was I gone?"

"Three weeks. We had to trick him, it was hard work, but we did it. We got you out, and you've been out like a light for three days. You will need to rest for at least that long before you go out in the field, but if you want and feel okay, and are cleared, you can move into your room," Isabelle informed him.

Jace gives a small nod of his head, "I would prefer my own bed."

They get him cleared, and Alec walks with him to his room because him and Isabelle just want to be extra safe. Jace was their brother after all. Walking into his room, he notices a lump on the bed and he turns his head to look at Alec.

"He's been here since we got him back, only left when we were sure we could save you," Alec informs, before going over to the lump on the bed and pulling back the covers to reveal a curled-up Simon. Giving Simon's shoulders a small shake, Alec says "Simon, Jace is here."

This causes Simon to stir before he's sitting up, eyes going to look at the Shadowhunter standing in his door way. "You fucking  _idiot_  Jace!" Simon exclaims before he's pulling the blond into a hug.

The hug was just as tight as the last one, but unlike the last one, this time Jace wrapped his arms around Simon, pulling him closer to himself. "You're safe, that is what matters."

"Jace..." Clary's voice spoke, causing him to pull away and turn to see the female behind him. "I... Simon's right, you're a fucking idiot but I want to thank you, for what you did. You could have let the warlock take me too, but... you didn't, even though we hated each other."

"I didn't truly hate you, just that you thought that way about me," And it was honest, he was angry with her thinking he didn't care when he did, of her thinking he would just let Simon go just like that and it not hurt him.

"I'm sorry Jace, I shouldn't have said most of the things I did," Clary says.

"And I am too, I said somethings I probably shouldn't have either," Jace tells her, and then she leaves and Jace turns back to Simon.

"I'll just... leave you too alone," Alec says, still next to Jace's bed before he's leaving the room and leaving Jace and Simon alone in Jace's room.

Jace goes to take a seat upon his bed, and Simon does the same. "You know I would do that again, a thousand times over, save you. Whether we are together or not. I'm surprised you didn't leave once you were cleared, you know, because you didn't want to watch us all grow old."

Simon takes in an unnecessary deep breath, letting it out slowly before he's answering, "I was stupid, having done that, runaway. I should really know that you can't run away from your problems, and this was one I hadn't even had yet. It was a future problem. But, I've come to realises that I can't avoid it, that you all will grow old while I stay forever eighteen. I will deal with it, when it comes but I should live in the moment, not in the future where nothing is set in stone. I... I miss everyone. I'm sorry I put you in a position where you and Clary fought all the time. Izzy told me, did you know she knew we were dating? That was the only reason I let her stay with me, or talk to me. I didn't want to explain to Clary, it would have been hard."

Nodding his head, Jace understood where Simon was coming from, they had never told anyone and there was a lot to explain. "Are you staying?"

Simon nods his head, and he's facing Jace, their faces looking right at each other, a few centimetres apart. Jace's eyes dart down to look at Simon's lips, ones his been missing for almost a year now, ones he's been craving for that long. It's slow, as they lean into each other and lips meet in a soft kiss. Jace's hand moving to cup Simon's cheek, lips moving against each other in gentle movements. When they break away Jace smiles a little and Simon returns it, "You need to rest, a lot. I can l-,"

"No, stay with me, I've missed you too. I'm feeling tired again, could we take a nap and then go get something to eat?" Jace asks, moving to change into something comfortable to sleep in before climbing into his head. Simon gives a small nod of his head, before doing the same and cuddling into Jace's side, as they let sleep pour over them.


End file.
